Additional Resourcesīreaking up is hard to do: Challenges of same-sex divorce To find a professional psychologist in your area, visit APA’s Psychologist Locator. Psychologists can also help you think carefully about what went wrong in your marriage so you can avoid repeating any negative patterns in your next relationship. Divorcing spouses and their children can benefit from speaking to a psychologist to help them deal with their emotions and adjust to the changes. How psychologists can helpĭivorce is a difficult time for the entire family. Stay physically healthy by eating right and getting exercise. To stay positive as you start a new chapter, try getting involved in activities you used to love but haven’t done in a while. Formal support groups can also help you cope with the many emotions of a marriage ending. Tap into your support network, turning to family and friends for assistance and comfort. But now more than ever, it’s important to take care of yourself. The changes brought on by separation and divorce can be overwhelming. Parent education programs that focus on improving the relationship between parents and their kids have been shown to help children cope better in the months and years following the divorce. Research suggests that kids who have a poor relationship with one or both parents may have a harder time dealing with family upheaval. Kids do better when they maintain close contact with both parents. It can be helpful to minimize changes as much as possible in the months and years following a divorce. If appropriate, give them a few weeks’ notice before moving them to a new home, or before one spouse moves out. In many cases, sudden change can be hard on children. Kids benefit from having honest conversations about the changes their family is experiencing. And, keep the lines of communication open. It’s often helpful for divorcing parents to come up with a plan and present it to their children together. Ongoing parental conflict increases kids’ risk of psychological and social problems. Do your best to keep any conflict away from the kids. 4 During a divorce, parents can do a lot to ease the child’s transition. When kids are involvedĭivorce can be a traumatic experience for children, but research suggests that most children adjust well within two years following the divorce on the other hand, children often experience more problems when parents remain in high-conflict marriages instead of splitting up. If in-person discussions are still too difficult, consider handling some of the details over email. Having a “script” to work from can take some of the emotion out of face-to-face communication. When you do sit down with your soon-to-be-ex-spouse, use the list as your guide. Pick a time when you’re feeling calm to write down all the points you want to discuss. It can be difficult to remember important details when emotions are running high. Talking things through with a psychologist may help you reach coordinated decisions with a minimum of conflict. Sitting down and speaking with your soon-to-be-ex-spouse may be the last thing you want to do, but cooperation and communication make divorce healthier for everyone involved. Research shows that mediation can be beneficial for emotional satisfaction, spousal relationships and children’s needs. Trying to work things out yourself can be frustrating and self-defeating as the problems that contributed to your divorce are likely to re-emerge during divorce negotiations. Divorce mediation is often a good alternative to courtroom proceedings. Try not to think of the breakup as a battle. Researchers have found that people who are kind and compassionate to themselves have an easier time managing the day-to-day difficulties of divorce. Such a response is normal, and over time the intensity of these feelings will subside. Sometimes these feelings can rise up when you least expect them, catching you off guard. The end of a marriage typically unleashes a flood of emotions including anger, grief, anxiety and fear. 1 Separation and divorce are emotionally difficult events, but it is possible to have a healthy breakup. Still, more than 20 percent of first marriages end in divorce within five years, and 48 percent of marriages dissolve by the 20-year mark, according to 2006-2010 data from the government’s National Survey of Family Growth. No one enters into a marriage expecting it to fail.
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